light in dark places'
Bluespirit (written under the pseudonym Cassidy Collins)
Fandom: The Professionals
Summary: Bodie's on a 'special' assignment without his partner & Doyle
Word count: 9 432
Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. The characters and universe are the property of
Brian Clemens and Mark One Productions. This fic is meant solely for entertainment purposes and no copyright infringement is intended.
"You are joking, sir!"
The outburst was unusual but not unexpected and George Cowley looked over
the top of his glasses at the man standing rigidly, almost at parade
stance, in front of him.
"I don't think I caught that, Bodie. You have some problem with the
The agent didn't speak, in fact his lips were pressed tightly together and
the controller of CI5 could imagine the pressure of the younger man's
teeth grinding against each other.
But the face before him was blank, a practised facade displaying no
emotion. Cowley's gaze softened a little as he looked at one of his best
agents; he didn't relish giving out this kind of assignment, in fact it
left a rather sour taste in his mouth. But the objective was important and
he was in no doubt that for this particular job Bodie was the best man.
Allowing his voice to display a little more warmth, he leant back in his
chair and took off his glasses.
"Och laddie, I know it's not pleasant and if there were any other
way...but this is important. We need to know what Stephenson knows and
find out if he's up to anything. If he's what he appears to be; a
successful, financially independent businessman, then there's no problem.
But if our sources are correct then he's involved with some very nasty
business indeed - most likely drugs and arms shipments to Uganda. We have
to know what he's up to, Bodie - that's why you have to get close to
At this the cool expression of the dark haired agent broke into a
sarcastic grimace, "And just how close would that be, sir?" he
said with a hard edge to his voice.
"Aye, well that's something that you'll have to see about now isn't
it," Cowley replied in a gentle tone. He was not without sympathy for
the position that he was putting his agent in but he also hadn't
exaggerated - this was important. Shipments of arms had been
finding their way into rebel hands for months and the country of origin
had been identified as the United Kingdom. It was CI5's responsibility to
find out exactly who the source was and to put a stop to the movement of
"Look lad," he continued. "Our intelligence says that
Richard Stephenson is a wealthy man - just the wrong side of fifty but
who's proud of his appearance, works out at the gym and takes care of
himself. And...he has a liking for younger men - to be precise - dark
haired, young men of a fairly muscular build. Our sources also suggest
that he's not into power games, certainly no violence in the bedroom, but
that he likes to use his money and his charm to get what he wants. In a
bygone age it might have been said that he likes to woo his conquests. The
man is certainly no gorilla. So who knows, maybe you can find out the
information before it has to go too far."
"And if I can't, sir?" came the clipped response.
Cowley put his glasses back on and sat up rigidly in his chair, his face
losing all trace of compassion, "Then you have your orders 3-7,"
was the curt reply.
With that the controller of CI5 picked up a file and began to read,
effectively dismissing the unhappy agent from his office.
Ray Doyle was furious. He stalked through the corridors of CI5 like a
thundercloud - most of the established operatives read the signs only too
well and were careful to keep out of 4-5's way. They had no idea what had
riled him but were keen to avoid becoming the focus of his anger.
Best leave it to Bodie to calm Doyle down, was the general
consensus, Bodie would know how to handle him.
Of course there was a hapless newcomer or two who managed to stumble into
the path of Doyle's rage; their education was swift and very sharp indeed
- no one messed with 4-5 when he was in a temper.
Finally the angry ex-bobby came to a stop outside his destination. With
the briefest of knocks he opened the door and, ignoring Betty's startled
interjection, stormed directly into Cowley's office.
George Cowley sighed and looked up from the papers that he was studying.
Laying the folder down he met the heated stare of the curly haired man
full on. "Something I can do for you, 4-5?" he said in carefully
"Too right there is," came the sharp response. "Where's
The question held a steely edge yet barely concealed the man's very real
concern for his absent partner.
"Bodie has been given an individual assignment."
"So I'd heard," Doyle responded sarcastically. " So what's
going on? Why've you split the team? What's so secret that it's not on the
duty roster and no one seems to know where he is, eh? That I don't
know where he is?"
Remaining calm the Controller of CI5 replied, "The nature of the
assignment is confidential 4-5 and it is also of a somewhat delicate
Doyle's face registered surprise and also a hint of suspicion.
"Delicate sir? And Bodie?" A flicker that may have been
an aborted smile passed fleetingly over Doyle's troubled countenance.
William Andrew Philip Bodie may have many skills but being a master of
tact and diplomacy was not one of them. "Look, tell me what's going
on - he's my partner and I ought to be there to back him up. So what is it
that even I can't be told?"
"All right, lad, calm down," Cowley said softly. "We've had
some intell about who might be supplying the rebels in Uganda."
This caused the younger man's eyebrows to rise. He knew that this was top
priority and that the department had been working for months to try to
find out exactly where in the UK the arms were being dispatched.
"A possible source has been named but we need to verify it. Bodie is
the perfect candidate for the job...he has, shall we say, past experience
that makes him uniquely qualified."
For a moment Doyle seemed mollified and then continued with his
questioning. "Past experience? Something to do with his time in the
SAS? What is it that means he's the only one for the job and that
he has to go solo? He needs back up...he needs me, sir!"
Cowley refrained from commenting on Doyle's blatant possessiveness of his
partner as there was worse to follow. Weighing his options carefully he
finally spoke in a quiet yet firm tone. "The man we suspect of the
arms dealing is a known homosexual. The only way that we can get anyone
close enough without suspicion is through a, shall we say...romantic
link." The older man had the grace to appear a little uncomfortable
as he employed the euphemism for sending one of his top agents out as a
"What?!" Doyle was astounded; in fact he was totally
bemused. Bodie, the perfect man for the job? This was ridiculous. He felt
like laughing and his face did indeed break into a wide grin. "Oh
come off it, sir. There's been some wires crossed here...Bodie with a
bloke...you've got to be kiddin' me! This is a wind up."
"4-5," Cowley barked, his patience finally eroded. "I,
unlike some others that I could name, do not have time for infantile
practical jokes. There are things about your partner that you obviously
don't know. All that I can say is that Bodie has had some experiences in
the past that I believe will allow him to satisfactorily carry out this
assignment." Seeing that Doyle was about to object, the Scot raised
an authoritative hand. "This discussion is over, 4-5. You are not to
interfere and you are not to compromise Bodie's cover by making contact
with him, do you understand? He is already in situ and all we can do now
is just wait and hope for a positive outcome."
Ray Doyle wasn't sure how he drove home; he couldn't remember stopping at
traffic lights, giving way at junctions or even indicating. He had no idea
what speeds he'd been travelling at; one minute he was at work and the
next off-duty and back in his flat. He felt numb and totally stunned.
Bodie - bent?
No way! His mind couldn't even begin to comprehend this little gem
that the Cow had sprung on him.
Bi? Bodie was AC-DC? Well that was the way it seemed right now and of the
two, this idea seemed somehow to be the least threatening. Doyle rubbed at
his temples where the throb of a headache was just beginning.
But surely he'd have known! How could Bodie not have told him - they were
the best of mates, after all. The best friends, the best partners, the
best team that CI5 had. They shared everything - that's why they worked so
well together. Sometimes it seemed that they were almost telepathic, well,
maybe not that but empathic yes. They could often read each other's
feelings and even anticipate what the other would sometimes do or say. In
fact it was a long-standing joke on the squad. The other operatives seemed
to think of 3-7 and 4-5 as some kind of double act and 'good for a laugh'
Bodie was always happy to play along with any scheme that Doyle came up
So how could he not have told him about this? Ray considered Bodie to be
his closest friend in the world...didn't his partner feel the same? The
thought that Bodie hadn't trusted him enough to share this information was
wounding and it just kept running round and around in Doyle's mind.
Infinitely worse though were the pictures that his imagination were
conjuring up to accompany those thoughts. Pictures of Bodie naked in some
man's bed, in some man's arms. Bodie on his hands and knees while some man
was behind him ready to stick his big, fat prick into....
No! Ray wrenched his mind away from the thought as his stomach
lurched sickeningly. He didn't believe it - he couldn't believe it.
Oh god...Bodie was bent and he was probably off somewhere right now...with
He groaned out loud as he felt lights flash behind his eyelids and his
head began to pound. In fact his mind was in such turmoil that he didn't
realise that it wasn't so much the shock of Bodie being with a man that
was causing him such torment but the image of Bodie with another
Doyle paced the floor and threw himself impatiently onto the low sofa. He
couldn't get comfortable and moved from one side to the other trying to
relax, finding it impossible as his head felt like it was ready to split
wide open. He thumped at one of the bright blue cushions but that didn't
Bodie! Bodie with a man - never, he wouldn't believe it...no way, it
couldn't be true. After all - what had these other blokes got that he
That final thought cut through the fog of his tormented deliberations like
a bright shaft of sunlight.
What had they got that he hadn't? He? Is that what this was all
about - that he wanted Bodie for himself?
Suddenly his body was immobile; the impatient and irritable movements of a
second before were stilled. He sat frozen against the corner of the sofa
where his body had come to rest at the moment of his strange epiphany.
Is that what this was all about? He wanted Bodie...for himself?
Sitting quietly Ray tried to breathe deeply in an effort to find a calm
centre and focus his mind. He really couldn't take all this in. First
there had been the revelation from Cowley about Bodie's 'past experience'.
No details of course, but just enough to get Doyle's mind whirring with
possibilities. Now this - another shock - this time the blow
self-administered. And what a bloody beauty it was too...he was surprised
the impact hadn't been measured on the fuckin' Richter scale!
So he fancied his best mate...that wasn't so bad was it? Bodie was a very
attractive bloke when he came to think about it. All dark, brooding good
looks and pale, muscled skin...yes, very easy on the eye was his partner.
Ray Doyle had always prided himself on being an unbiased individual. Yes,
he knew he had a quick temper and strong views on various issues but he
had never thought himself homophobic. Over the years he'd had occasion to
socialise with people from all different backgrounds; different races,
cultures as well as sexual persuasions and he liked to think that he'd
been receptive and open to a range of ideas. Not that he'd actually put
homosexuality into practice though, he'd always loved women with too much
of a passion for that. It wasn't just looks that he went for, mind. Yes,
the outside was important - he liked a pretty face and a good body as much
as the next man - but it was what was on the inside that was more
important to him. Not that he always had much chance to learn about the
real person behind the exterior, what with the job causing unsociable
hours and broken dates, there weren't many women who could put up with
that. He found that he didn't always have time to really get to know a
girl before they got fed up and it was all over.
So what did he think about this new idea, this bolt out of the blue...that
he wanted Bodie?
Well he was shocked. He even managed a wry grin at this thought. Shocked
was definitely an understatement. Never in his wildest imaginings did he
ever think that he could fall in love with his partner and someone who was
a man to boot!
Hang about, where'd that come from.....love? When had love come
into the equation? One minute he was thinking about wanting Bodie and the
next about loving him.
He carried on breathing slowly; in through his nose and out through his
mouth until he felt calmer again. Now he could try this new little
surprise on for size...love.
Well, if there was one thing that Ray Doyle recognised about himself it
was that when he felt, he felt intensely and with great depth. He never
seemed to experience shallow emotions, when he felt something it was
always keenly and often times painfully. Like his emotions concerning
Doyle gave himself a mental shake. Now was not the time to bring up that
particular ache again. Ann was over and done with...gone for good. In
hindsight he knew that it would probably never have worked; Ann would
never have accepted the things that he had to do for his job...would never
have accepted him for what and who he really was. But Bodie...Bodie was a
different matter all together....
Armed with the new-found knowledge that yes, he might just actually love
Bodie, then maybe all this didn't seem so strange. Well, he knew Bodie was
his best mate and that in it itself was a kind of love. So how hard was it
to take the next step and realise that he was actually in love with
Ray sighed deeply. What had started off as a perfectly ordinary day had
rapidly deteriorated into something akin to a bizarre dream. He rose
wearily with heavy, sluggish limbs and crossed the room to pour himself a
stiff drink. He swallowed greedily and the scotch caught at the back of
his throat, its mellow bitterness sending out waves of heat as it
travelled to his numbed extremities.
It was obvious that he still had a lot to think about....
Bodie settled back more comfortably into the opulence of the plush corner
booth. The classic line of his suit and the rich burgundy of his silk
shirt allowed him to blend perfectly with the well-to-do clientele of the
So far, he thought, things had gone fairly smoothly. He'd managed to make
contact with Stephenson quite easily through the gym that the businessman
frequented. He'd then made sure that he'd sent out some quite obvious
signals that had been quickly picked up by the older man.
Stephenson had seemed extremely pleased that the young and handsome
newcomer found him interesting and had at once begun what Bodie had
privately dubbed the 'Wooing of Philip Bodie'. The ritual was quite formal
and they were now on what Stephenson primly liked to refer to as their
third 'date'. So far Bodie was thankful that the dates had involved little
more than fine wine, expensive food and a little dutiful kissing before
Stephenson gallantly saw him to his door. Bodie had to smile at the almost
old world chivalry that Stephenson seemed to exude. The man was quite a
pleasant companion in many ways and his appearance was not exactly
repellent. He was in his early fifties with greying hair and he had a
sparse build that he religiously kept in trim by frequent visits to the
gym. Smaller than Bodie in both height and stature, he was an interesting
conversationalist with a dry sense of humour. It was ironic, Bodie
thought, that at another time he could have actually become friends with
the man. But just friends...nothing more. He had no interest in the man
'in that way', he thought as he grimaced at the irony of the whole
Shifting a little on the red velvet seat Bodie considered his assignment.
With regards to actually finding out if Stephenson was involved in running
guns and drugs, he had so far drawn a blank. His subtle questioning had
only revealed that Stephenson was, as he seemed to be, a wealthy
businessman with a penchant for young, handsome men whom he liked to wine
and dine and slowly seduce. However the seduction process had clearly been
moved up a gear tonight and Bodie, with a sinking heart, was fairly
certain that this evening would not end with a chaste kiss on the doorstep
but would involve him having to go to bed with the older man.
Bodie tried to swallow but his mouth was suddenly parched as he thought of
that particular possibility. Cowley hadn't been wrong - CI5 vetting was
very, very thorough after all - he did have some experience with men. But
it seemed so long ago, like he'd been another person. It had begun when he
was in the Merchant Navy. Well, he'd only been a kid really - running away
from home and signing up when he was just fourteen - lying about his age
so that he would be accepted. In hindsight it was obvious that he was
going to be hit on by the older men and at least there'd been no real
violence involved. They hadn't been animals, just frustrated sailors who
were a long way from shore and all that had been expected of him was to be
a willing hand or mouth, nothing more, thank God. So although not
particularly enjoying the experience he didn't remember it with revulsion;
just acceptance of a valuable life-lesson learned.
Then of course there'd been Africa and the mercs. By this time he'd been a
grown man and more than capable of looking after himself. He'd made
certain that the only activities he became involved with were ones of his
own choosing. That had really just been some mutual wanking off to relieve
the pressure. Yeah, some of the others had screwed around but he wasn't
interested in that; all he'd needed was a release for the adrenaline rush
after battle and an occasional change to break the monotony of his own
right hand. So in fact his experience with men was fairly limited. He'd
never been screwed although he knew a little about the mechanics as he'd
had a couple of birds that'd liked him to put it up the back way from time
to time. That was all though - he'd never been penetrated and the thought
of it made his stomach roll over alarmingly.
Bodie could feel cold sweat trickling down his back as he tried to block
out the disturbing thoughts that were crowding in on him. Is that what
sleeping with Stephenson would entail?
The idea of having sex with the man later that night was nauseating. It
definitely seemed to be on the cards, though, as Stephenson had increased
the pace of his seduction. Earlier in the evening the older man had picked
him up from his temporary cover flat in his chauffeured limo and on their
way to the exclusive gay restaurant and club had made him a gift of an
obviously expensive gold bracelet. Bodie couldn't help but be impressed by
the older man's technique and by his gift. The gold of the bracelet was
heavy and now lay warmly against the skin of his right wrist; the finely
worked links gleaming brightly against the paleness. Was this some
expensive trinket to buy his place in a rich man's bed? Could he go
through with it?
Inwardly he laughed, but the joke was bitter...and it was definitely on
For God, Queen and Cowley, he thought. Yes, he knew he'd have to go
through with it. He should perhaps be thankful for small mercies - at
least Stephenson wasn't a barbarian - someone who got off on pain and
domination...or so it seemed anyway. But who knew what happened behind the
closed doors of someone else's bedroom? With a mental shake Bodie raised
his eyes and painted an expectant smile on his face as his companion
returned and slid into the booth to sit closely at his side.
"Sorry I was so long, Philip. Did you miss me?" Richard
Stephenson's voice was warm and rich with just a hint of humour. It was a
deep voice and not one that could have been described as effeminate.
"Desperately, Richard," he laughed and the older man joined in
with a deep chuckle as he slid his arm around Bodie's shoulders.
"So my dear, did you enjoy the meal?" Stephenson whispered as he
leant more closely towards Bodie's ear, gusting moist breath across the
delicate skin there.
Bodie shivered a little, though more from dread of the evening's finale
than from the desire he feigned. "It was wonderful - as always,"
Bodie smiled. In fact that was no lie, the food had been perfect, just as
it should be for that price, he thought grimly. But Stephenson was a rich
man and could obviously afford the best; in food, wine and, it seemed, his
taste in men was equally as expensive. At least I don't come cheaply,
Bodie concluded ironically.
Typical really, he mused, it was just his fucking luck to be stuck in this
parody of a bad Mata Hari when he had absolutely no interest in men, no
matter what the Cow bloody thought. Well, save one man, of course and that
was more like a secret fantasy...something that he kept locked away, only
bringing it out on cold, lonely nights to warm his soul and his bed.
The fantasy was Ray Doyle and it was bloody ironic that he had to go and
fall in love with a man who was most decidedly and determinedly
heterosexual. Yep - just his rotten, stinking luck; he'd only ever wanted
one man and that man was totally unobtainable. So instead he was sitting
here being wined and dined by another man whom he had no interest in but
with the possibility, no the inevitability, that he would have to
sleep with him.
Sometimes life was just fuckin' hilarious.
Bodie barely contained a heartfelt sigh and then felt Stephenson's hand
press more closely against his shoulder, reminding him of where he was. In
a moment, a second hand was placed on his thigh, just a little too high
for propriety. The rich damask tablecloth seemed designed to hide a
multitude of sins and Stephenson's hand began to creep a little higher,
gently rubbing spirals against the firm muscles of Bodie's leg. Swallowing
his distaste at being touched so intimately, Bodie arranged his features
in a mask that suggested desire and wanting for the man at his side. It
was only on the inside that his heart broke a little more at the thought
of sharing with Stephenson that which he had only ever wanted to share
At that moment a shadow crossed the table and Bodie looked up, his
questioning gaze turning quickly to one of shock, disbelief and finally
horror. For standing before him, his face glowering with what appeared to
be barely concealed fury was...Ray Doyle.
Bodie flinched and began to pull away from the embrace of his dining
companion. He was stunned that Doyle was here and mortified that his
partner should see him in this kind of situation. His mind was spinning
with questions but he tried to play it cool in the sure knowledge that Ray
must have a bloody good reason for turning up like this in the middle of
Locking blazing, green eyes on Bodie for just a moment Doyle then directed
his attention to the other man seated at the table.
"Take your hands off him."
His voice held a tempered steel core of menace that Bodie recognised as
extreme anger and that even Stephenson could hardly fail to notice.
The businessman simply gawked and stared at the intimidating figure
standing across the table. Doyle was dressed in black jeans, shirt and
leather jacket and his very presence seemed to scream danger.
"W-what?" came Stephenson's shocked response.
"I said 'take your hands off him'," Doyle repeated very slowly,
"...and I'm not goin' to say it again." The anger held in
the low and even tone seemed to roll across the table in venomous waves;
serving only to strengthen the aura of menace surrounding the imposing
Visibly gathering himself, Stephenson began to rally and reached again to
circle Bodie's shoulders in a firmer embrace. "What are you talking
about? Get out of here. Who do you think you are, coming and disturbing
our meal like this?"
Doyle smiled briefly but it was a flint-like parody lacking warmth.
"Someone you really don't want to mess with," was his chilling
response. Without glancing at his partner Doyle continued with banked
rage, "Bodie! Move, now!"
Bodie seemed to jump at the curt instruction and without thinking pulled
himself from Stephenson's renewed embrace and rose from his seat as if
unable to disobey his partner's will.
"Ray?" His query was almost tremulous.
"Philip. Who is this? What's going on?" Stephenson asked
vexedly, looking at his young companion who was now moving towards the
glowering figure on the other side of the table.
"Erm, Richard...I..." Bodie seemed unable to frame a response
and looked questioningly at Doyle. If Doyle was the one breaking his cover
then he must be the one with all the answers, he thought dully.
Ray reached out a hand and took Bodie's arm in a possessive grasp.
"Never you mind who I am, mate," Doyle addressed Stephenson in
an icy tone. "But I'll give you a bit of free advice. Next time you
decide that someone takes your fancy, just make sure that he doesn't
belong to somebody else first, 'right?"
With that Doyle turned smartly on his heel and left the restaurant, towing
a bemused Bodie along in his still furious wake.
As the two men exited the building Bodie tried to question his partner.
"Ray? What's going on? What about the op?"
Turning to face the other agent Doyle muttered, "It's a bust - the
Cow sent me to pull you out."
"What? What about - " Bodie questioned, indicating the club with
a nod of his head.
"Seems the intell was wrong - Stephenson is no more a gun runner than
my granny. So I came to get you off the hook." Doyle's face twisted
with an emotion that could have been anger or just gut wrenching pain.
"'Course, by the looks of it you probably didn't want to lose your
meal ticket." The last was spat out as though the words were coated
in vile tasting bile.
Bodie stood stock-still and looked at his partner with a stunned
expression. Before he could even begin to formulate a reply he saw Doyle's
keen eyes light upon his right wrist.
"What the fuck?" Doyle shouted as his hand shot out and
grabbed at the heavy gold chain blinking palely in the weak street light.
"A present from the boyfriend, Bodie?" he sneered as he snatched
at the bracelet, breaking the catch and flinging the object into the
Bodie had no idea what had inflamed his partner's anger to this degree.
Biting off the caustic comments that were struggling to erupt, Bodie fell
back on long experience of dealing with an enraged Ray Doyle. He shuttered
his expression and simply waited. There was obviously something eating at
Doyle and it looked to be deep down. Bodie knew that he wouldn't find out
what it was until his partner was ready to tell him. More than anyone
else, he knew the way that Ray's mind worked and he realised that whatever
this was, it was big. It was something that was aching down in Doyle's gut
if the mixture of despair and anger on his face was anything to go by.
Without waiting for a reply Doyle strode towards the nearby gold Capri and
muttered in an irritated tone, "Well get a fuckin' move on then, it's
freezin' out here."
Rubbing at his sore wrist where the wrenching gold links had scored his
pale skin to an angry red, Bodie squared his shoulders and followed his
partner. Whatever else happened tonight he was determined to get to the
bottom of Ray's problem.
They drove in silence. Gone was Doyle's normal grace and fluidity behind
the wheel, now he was tense and gripped the steering wheel with an iron
Bodie used the time to try to put a few things in order. He knew that
Doyle was angry, hell he didn't need to be a Sherlock to see that. Doyle
was in fact fuming, as angry as Bodie had ever seen him. But...there was
something else behind the harsh words and furious actions. What was it?
Yes, Ray looked scared...in fact he looked bloody terrified. What the hell
was happening to him? Doyle was never normally rattled this much by
Oh Jesus, he wasn't ill was he? Oh Christ, Ray wasn't dying? No,
please! Bodie knew that if there was one thing that was sure to put
him in his grave, it was losing Ray Doyle.
Steadying his suddenly erratic breathing, Bodie berated himself for the
turn towards melodrama. No, Doyle was as strong as a horse...he wasn't
ill. Plus the fear was somehow connected to Bodie. He'd seen it, seen it
when those beautiful eyes had flashed with heat and passion at him in the
club. But what else? There had been another emotion hiding there, what was
it...it'd looked like desire? Tinged with jealousy?
That was ridiculous! Just projecting a little, eh Bodie old son, he
thought ironically. But he couldn't help himself...what if...?
Glancing surreptitiously at the hunched figure in the driving seat, Bodie
finally closed his eyes and tried to replay the events of the evening.
What had happened exactly?
Okay, Ray had broken in when Stephenson had got Bodie in a semi-clinch.
How had Ray reacted? Bodie would have expected some smooth line designed
to get his partner out from the obbo and then some scathing innuendo about
being found in a compromising situation with a man. But that wasn't how
Ray had reacted, not at all. What had he done? He'd played the
jealous lover and played it well too. In fact too bloody well, Bodie
thought with a start. Ray Doyle was not that good an actor. So he really
was jealous...he'd looked at Bodie with hurt in his eyes and then treated
him with all the possessiveness of an irate lover. Could that be it? Doyle
actually wanted him?
Bodie tried to assimilate the rush of new thoughts. What about the little
scene with the bracelet? That hadn't been for Stephenson's benefit as
they'd been alone on the pavement. So was he right...did Doyle actually
look on him with desire?
At once Bodie felt elated and yet empty. He knew Ray Doyle...he was a
sensual creature; years of double dating had shown him that much. Was this
just some kind of experiment? A passing fancy to try it with a bloke and
then that was it? Bodie would become just another notch on the rather
impressive Doyle bedpost?
Bodie's stomach turned over and he licked at dry lips. He couldn't stand
that...not with Ray. He'd accepted long ago that he'd fallen in love with
his partner. Not a smart move and one that was only going to bring him
heart ache in the long run. But he hadn't been able to stop himself...he'd
fallen hard and long; for this soldier it'd been the real thing. It was
strange really that while he'd known it was a hopeless longing he'd been
able to handle it and just be glad of what he did share with Doyle. But
this new situation - the possibility of Doyle actually being interested in
return - could threaten all that. Bodie knew that if Doyle just wanted to
try it on and have a one-night stand then he'd have to leave, he'd never
be able to stay 'just mates' with his partner after that. A few stolen
moments with Ray would open up everything that he had tried so hard to
hide for all these years. He knew that he'd be left bare and bleeding if
that was all that Ray could offer.
Better to have never tasted the forbidden fruit than live with its
bittersweet memory forever.
What the hell was he going to do? He felt cold inside as an icy splinter
wormed through his gut and chilled his bones. Would he have the strength
to refuse Doyle if he tried it on? How would Doyle react to that? He was a
vain man in many ways, though with ample reason in Bodie's opinion but he
knew that Ray would be affronted and probably furious at any refusal. He
would see it as a direct slur on his desirability.
So it seemed that he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. Accept
a night of lust with Ray and let it break his heart wide open until the
pain caused him to crack or refuse any offer of casual sex and end
up alienating his partner.
Oh what a fuckin' mess this was.
Bodie had been so busy with his thoughts that it was with a jolt that he
realised the car had stopped moving and they were outside Doyle's flat. So
this was it...into the fray, Bodie old son he thought dryly and if you're
really lucky you might just come out of it with your heart still beating.
Turning to look at his partner who was sitting like a rock behind the
wheel, Bodie fixed a bland smile on his face and spoke at last.
"So we're at your place then, sunshine. Looks like you want to share
a night-cap. Come on then, might as well make a move as sit here all night
in the cold."
Doyle refused to meet his eyes and merely exited the car, slamming and
locking the door behind him.
With a weary sigh Bodie followed suit and trailed his partner through the
security gate and into the ground floor, garden studio.
Doyle was obviously stretched as tight as a bow string and as they entered
through the kitchen he shrugged off his jacket and snagged two tumblers.
Once in the lounge area he grabbed a bottle from the shelf and poured two
hefty measures of scotch before positioning himself by the window with his
back to the room. He held his glass steadily in one hand but did not drink
Bodie took the remaining glass of amber fluid and sat down carefully on
the low, leather couch. Looking at the taut lines of muscle and sinew
bunching under Doyle's shirt he decided that he had to say something. With
his heart beating frantically in his chest he took a deep breath and asked
in a quiet voice, "Ray, why are you angry at me?"
Immediately it was as if all the anger and emotion leached from the gaunt
figure by the window. Doyle's knees sagged and he only just managed to
stumble into a chair before he fell.
Holding the glass in both hands, Ray sank back and rested his head on the
high chair back; his eyes drifting shut. With a sigh that sounded both
exhausted and resigned he answered.
"Oh jesus, Bodie - I'm not angry at you...not really. I just don't
know what the hell's going on anymore. I'm so bloody mixed up that I think
my head's goin' to explode."
Bodie was surprised, he hadn't expected this. Anger, maybe, resentment
perhaps or even a wicked come on, but not this...this confusion and
helplessness. Bodie recognised the feelings. Or at least he hoped he did.
It was exactly the way that he had felt when he first realised that he was
falling in love with his partner. A tiny flicker of hope began to smoulder
deep in his heart. Could Ray be feeling what he felt? Could it be more
than anger or lust?
There again, it could be something else entirely.
The embryo flicker spluttered and grew dim.
What the hell was he going to do? Bodie had promised himself that he would
never let Ray know how he felt. But what if...just what if Ray did
feel it too?
He couldn't help it; the flicker was back again, though weak and very
unsure of itself.
"What is it, Ray? Can you try to explain it to me?"
Doyle raised his eyes and looked quizzically at his partner. "Trust
me, mate. You don't want to know what I'm feeling right now. Just leave it
alone, okay? I don't even know why we're bloody sitting here - I should've
just taken you straight home in the first place."
But Bodie couldn't leave it, despite every piece of common sense that his
brain was screaming at him, he suddenly realised that he had to know and
know now. He just couldn't go on like this anymore. Taking all his courage
he asked again.
"Come on, mate. A problem shared and all that...you never know, I
could help." His voice rang with a cheeriness that he did not feel as
the tiny voice in his brain told him to shut the fuck up before it was too
"What's all this, Bodie," Ray asked as his temper began to flare
again. "Thinking of going after Kate Ross' job are you? Trying your
hand at bein' a head shrinker, now?"
"It's not like that, Ray," Bodie was glad that his voice didn't
sound too needy. "I just want to help, find out what's eating at
That was obviously it for Doyle - the final straw. His emotions seemed to
boil over in a melting pot of anger, hurt, jealousy and passion.
"You want to know what's wrong do you Bodie?" He shouted.
"You want to know what's making me like this? Well I'll fuckin' tell
you, but don't say I didn't warn you - you're not goin' to bloody like it.
Know why not? 'Cus your partner's gone soft on you...on you mate!
Your mate's a flamin' queer! Want to know how I felt when I heard
about this op? Sick, mate, bloody sick to m' stomach. Not because the Cow
let slip that you'd been with men...but because you weren't with me!
I don't know how I kept myself from goin' mad this last week - imagining
Stephenson doin' god-knows-what to you! And all the time...all the time I
wanted it to be me. Can't you see, you big, dumb crud? I bloody love you
and need you and want to lock you up and keep you just for me, for bloody
ever! Now, is that what you fuckin' wanted to hear?"
As suddenly as the tirade had started, it stopped. Doyle seemed to crumple
in on himself and collapsed back into the chair, covering his face with
his hands. The barest mumble came through his clenched fingers.
"Make it quick mate. Thump me and then get out. I'll see the Cow in
the morning and tell him to reassign me - you won't 'ave to stand with
your back to the wall, don't worry."
Bodie was in shock. He had just been given everything he'd ever dreamed of
and was now staring at his partner, open mouthed and with the biggest,
sloppiest grin on his face. But of course Doyle couldn't see it. He was
hanging his head and obviously waiting for Bodie to hit him. Hit him? Hit
Ray? Bodie closed his mouth with a snap but couldn't dislodge the smile
that threatened to split his face. Ray loved him...he'd said it. He had,
hadn't he? That is what he'd said in amongst all the shouting?
Bodie was suddenly unsure and his smile faltered. This was too important
to screw up.
Moving to kneel in front of the cowed figure, Bodie spoke softly and with
"Ray? Sweetheart? You did just say that you loved me, didn't
Doyle's head snapped up and his eyes looked warily at his partner, as if
searching for some trick. What he saw in the uncertain face before him
must have eased some of his anxiety.
"Yes, mate. Sorry - didn't mean for it to happen. Didn't even realise
that I did until this op started. Then I thought that I could keep it
under wraps...you know, that way you'd never find out and leave me. But I
couldn't...not when I saw you with him tonight...he was touching
you...touching the way I want to touch you. I dunno what happened,
I just saw red I s'pose. 'M sorry, mate."
"Green," Bodie whispered.
"Green, sweetheart. You saw green...jealously...the old green eyed
"Yeah, s'pose I was," Doyle agreed, chastened. Then his head
came up swiftly and he raised an eyebrow in query. "Sweetheart? Did
you just call me sweetheart?"
Bodie shuffled a little uneasily, suddenly feeling exposed as he knelt
before his partner's chair. "Um, yeah I did. A couple of times. Don't
you like it?"
Ray's face was a picture of confusion and then it softened. "I do,
actually. Dunno why, should sound daft coming from you, but it doesn't.
Does this mean...?" His question was hesitant and displayed a
multitude of insecurities.
"That I love you too?" his partner replied. "Yes it does,
sunshine. I've loved you for ages."
With that Doyle broke into a shy yet amazed smile and leant a little
"Yes?" Bodie ventured, feeling somehow excited and expectant yet
nervous as well.
"Will you say it again? And kiss me?"
Bodie took in the panicked breathing of the other man and the tell-tale
lines of strain about the jade eyes. Doyle was terrified but he was a
tough little sod and seemed prepared to follow this through. Reaching to
run one finger down the soft skin of Ray's cheek, Bodie moved until his
lips were the merest distance from his partner's.
"I love you, Ray," he whispered. "I love you,
sweetheart." The final endearment was lost as Doyle closed the aching
distance between them and their lips met in the briefest of kisses.
Drawing in a sharp breath, both men dived to re-establish contact and
Bodie tangled his hands in the silky curls framing Ray's face. He felt Ray
move to better receive the pressure of his lips and then he was falling
into a warm, sweet haven as Doyle opened his mouth and sucked him in.
It seemed like an age later that the two men roused themselves and found
that they were lying on the hearth-rug with legs entangled, their lips
swollen and bruised, panting for air.
"Bodie? Is this real, sunshine? Can we make this happen?" Ray's
voice was uneven as his breathing began to return to normal.
Bodie rolled onto his side, resting his head on one crooked arm so that he
could look down into the wide-eyed gaze of his partner. "Yes it's
real, Ray. Unexpected but real."
"Um, I've never actually done this with a man before," Ray
admitted with downcast eyelids.
Bodie gently placed two fingers under his partner's chin and raised his
head so that their eyes met. "Contrary to what you might have heard,
sunshine, I'm no expert myself." He continued with a nod at Doyle's
quizzical look. "I mucked about a bit in the Merchant - didn't have a
lot of choice really. But it was nothing much, oh I learnt how to use my
hands and mouth but that was it. It was so long ago though...and I didn't
fancy any of 'em. It was just easier to go along with it than be
hassled." Bodie paused and ran his fingers across Doyle's uneven
cheekbone and then buried his nose in soft curls. "You're the only
man I ever wanted, sweetheart. I know it sounds like a load of old bull,
but it's true. I've never even said stuff like this to birds, but I can't
help it...I love you. That's all that I can say."
Doyle closed his eyes and remained quiet for a few moments as he tried to
find the words that he needed to say. He was slightly preoccupied though
by the magical feel of Bodie's warm breath tickling at the skin below his
hair-line. "Jesus, mate but I love you too. You're right - it sounds
like a right load of old crock and I ought to feel bloody stupid sayin' it
but I don't. I love you, Bodie."
The kiss was confident and strong. They might be hopelessly in love but
they were both men; strong and hard, no shrinking violets. Their lips and
tongues battled in desire until once again they broke apart panting.
"I may not have much idea what to do," Doyle gasped. "But I
think it's time we took this party upstairs and found out. What do you
Bodie beamed at the endearment and pulled Ray in for a final hug before
rising gracefully from the floor, pulling his partner up with him. Holding
Ray close he had a final moment of doubt.
"This isn't just a game is it Ray? Just for one night? I c-couldn't
stand that." The younger man's voice broke a little and he swallowed
noisily as he buried his face in his partner's neck.
Doyle pulled at Bodie until they were standing face to face. Speaking
slowly and deliberately he smiled. "Oh Bodie, love. You can be a big
prat sometimes, can't you? This is for keeps, okay?" He
squeezed his partner's hands as he spoke and received a relieved smile in
Hand in hand the two men walked towards the stairs.
They were both naked on Doyle's wide, brass bed; lying on their sides so
that each could see the other.
Ray reached out a hesitant hand and traced a path across the smooth, solid
planes of Bodie's chest, following the fine, dusky hairs that were just
visible there. The younger man hissed as the light touch seemed to ignite
a thousand nerve endings.
"Oh god but you're beautiful Bodie," Ray whispered and then
looked up guiltily at his partner. "I don't mean that to sound daft
but christ...you're just bloody gorgeous!"
Bodie broke out into a wide smile and his eyes shone like midnight
sapphires in the lamplight. "You ought to take a look in the mirror
sometime, sweetheart...incredible you are...bloody amazing. It's not just
your face either, there's those dancer's legs and that tight little bum
plus...." His hands reached out and tangled in the light, auburn down
that dusted Ray's chest. "I've always wondered how this would
feel," he said in a hushed, almost awed tone. "I'd see a few
curls peeking out from those shirts that you never button up and I'd have
to put my hands in my pockets to stop me reaching out and touching!"
Ray raised his eyebrows in amazement. "Really? You like it?"
"Love it mate," Bodie said thickly as he dipped his head and
kissed Doyle's breastbone. His explorations did not stop there and soon he
was placing light kisses in a torturous path across Ray's chest before
finally tonguing and sucking on one pert, brown nipple.
Doyle cried out harshly as the teasing teeth bit into his sensitive flesh
and Bodie pulled back.
"Ray? You okay?"
"O-okay," came the shaky reply. "You've got me lighting up
like a bloody Christmas tree!"
Bodie allowed himself a slightly smug smile. "Just you wait,
sunshine," he promised with a lascivious wink.
At Doyle's slight look of apprehension, he continued quickly. "Don't
worry, mate. Let's keep this easy, eh? Just do what we feel like and if
either of us doesn't like something then we'll say and stop. After all,
it's a bit like the blind leading the blind so we're goin' to have to
fumble our way through this for a while."
Doyle grinned, "Sounds like fun actually - all that fumbling about.
You're right though - we've got plenty of time to try everything, haven't
Bodie rolled over onto his back and pulled Ray with him to lie on top.
"Just the rest of our lives, angelfish - if I've got any say in the
matter, anyway" he said levelly.
Looking down into his partner's face, Doyle nodded, all at once serious
again. "Glad that you feel like that, sunshine. 'Cus I don't think
this is some passing phase. I've thought I was in love before enough times
to realise that this really is it. It's finally happened to me and
this is for good as far as I'm concerned."
Pulling his lover's face down until their lips were almost touching, Bodie
smiled. "Suits me, sweetheart. 'Forsaking all others', Ray...that how
it's going to be?"
"That's right," the older man smiled as he moved forward and
stole a deep, searching kiss, his hands stroking at the silken skin of his
partner's neck and shoulders. "No more seduction-ops for us either,
I'll tell the Cow that to his face. Our Casanova days are over and he can
bloody well like it!"
At the mention of the earlier assignment, Bodie stilled the gentle hands
that were beginning to bring a fire to his flesh with teasing touches.
"Don't worry, we'll tell him together and...Ray?" He was
a little hesitant. "I just wanted you to know that nothing happened
with Stephenson, all right?"
Green eyes shone with warmth and love. "Oh Bodie, let's just forget
all that now, eh? It's okay - it's over." He reached for his
partner's right hand and bathed the abused wrist with tender kisses of
apology. "You're mine and I'm never letting you go - and just you
bloody remember that the next time some bird that's all legs and tits
comes marching along!"
"No need, sweetheart." Bodie's smile was bright and genuine,
suffused with all the love that he possessed. "I've got everything I
want right here."
The time for talking was over.
Ray wrapped a wiry thigh around Bodie's waist and pulled them over on to
their sides once more. In this position each man could touch and taste the
beguiling body before him. Forgetting any initial hesitancy in the rush of
desire that enveloped them, they began to move against one another as if
with practised ease.
Soon the stimulation of hands on chests and backs was not enough and Bodie
pushed Ray down to lie back against the soft, cotton coverlet. Mapping a
delicious route with hands, lips and tongue, he moved down Ray's chest
until his head was resting at the juncture of one bony hip. Reaching out
with a slightly shaking hand Bodie ran a single digit from the root to the
tip of his lover's trembling cock. The effect was immediate; Doyle's hips
jerked and a low, breathy moan urged Bodie on.
Emboldened by the hoarse pleas from above, Bodie wrapped his fist around
the hard shaft and pumped it strongly in an even rhythm. As Doyle's cries
increased he leant forward and licked at the exposed crown where the
receding foreskin had revealed a reddened, glistening head. He used his
tongue to probe delicately at the tiny slit and sucked on a pearly drop of
fluid already leaking from the weeping hole. Intoxicated by the taste the
ex-soldier opened his jaws wide and swallowed Ray whole, revelling in the
earthy shout that the action elicited. Gagging slightly he soon adjusted
and began to suck and lick at the engorged organ. Ray's cries became more
breathless and his hips surged upward more frantically as he fucked his
partner's willing mouth.
Tracing a spiral pattern along the shaft, Bodie reached to palm the heavy
balls that hung between Ray's powerful thighs. Beneath his caresses he
felt the hairy skin pucker and tighten as his lover's climax approached.
About to redouble his powerful suction, Bodie felt strong fingers digging
into his hair; pulling his head away from his prize. He looked up in
"Ray? Am I doing something wrong?"
Doyle blew out a long, ragged breath and smoothed the short, soft strands
still clutched in his grasp. "Wrong? Anymore bloody right mate and
I'll be dead!"
"Then why?" Bodie questioned.
"S'alright, love. I just want us to come together, okay?"
The whispered words ignited a fire that burned low in Bodie's belly and he
grinned ferally, eyes shining darkly with need. "Oh definitely,
sunshine," he agreed as he crawled up the slim frame, stopping to
drop licks and kisses along the way.
As his head drew level with his partner's Bodie felt muscular arms pulling
him down into a ferocious kiss. Surrendering to the blazing intensity of
the man beneath him, he sucked on the devilish tongue that invaded him and
drank from the moist, honeyed cavern of Ray's mouth.
Doyle opened his legs and cradled Bodie's powerful body in the haven of
his hips. Shouting mindlessly at the first touch of heated shaft on heated
shaft, they surged together in a harshly primal, masculine dance. Sweat
and pre-ejaculate eased the path of fevered skin as their hardened cocks
duelled and rubbed in a frenzy. Two sets of hips pumped furiously,
fighting to allow the maximum amount of contact between the throbbing
Broken moans and panted oaths filled the air as they clung desperately to
one another. Each man moved against the other's muscular form in a rhythm
that served to spur their passion to even higher levels. Just as the
pleasure seemed unbearable and the touch of hot flesh on sensitised skin
became overwhelming, blinding orgasm shook through each man; their cocks
spitting liquid fire that mingled and cooled on their shuddering chests.
It was several minutes before Bodie could get his breath back. Realising
that he had collapsed with his full weight bearing down on his partner he
lifted up and began to pull away.
A muscular arm shot out and captured his own in a steely grip.
Twinkling green eyes laughed up at him. "Where'd you think you're
going, mate?" was the throaty chuckle.
Bodie released the lock on his elbows and lowered himself to cover the
body below him again. "Sorry - just thought I might be a bit too much
The wicked chuckle returned and was accompanied by a firm, wet kiss.
"Never mate. I'll never get enough of you. Now shut up and let's get
some kip. You're goin' to need all your strength for the morning, loverboy!"
Smiling as he snuggled his head against his lover's shoulder, Bodie could
only agree. "Sounds perfect to me, sweetheart...can't wait."
Within moments the two men were entwined together in sleep.
Originally published in The Bisto Kids, Infinity Press, 2001